The Spork is Your Friend

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Our Friends, the Spork

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Assuredly invented by a male since the gals are too busy yakking away endlessly on their cell phone.

Such a handy device. The seldom-thought-of spork. Not truly missed until not present to please its user. With a few sporks stashed within one’s vehicle there are few emergencies that can not be overcome.

The practical man procures extra sporks whenever possible. A handful or more dumped into the take-out-bag of whatever grub-to-go firm offers the essential device ensures an adequate spork stock at home; the garage, one’s shed or vehicle and even the office if you are a cubicle dweller.

(Grub-to-go… “Grub” as the word refers to food, not bugs or digging through trash, etc.)

Not surprisingly, few females possess sporks since sporks are utilitarian vice “pretty” and unlike expensive cutlery sporks are not visible indicators of wealth and class.

There are too many uses for sporks to mention here. The purpose of this post is to publicize a “Thanks” to sporks, their creator and to all the entities that provide sporks to the general public.

Of course, others in the Wide World of Webdom have recognized the wonders of all that is spork. Do the clicky thing below to view one of those sites:

The Spork Page

Sporks are mainly a tool for good, for the betterment of mankind, but apparently a bane to most females since sporks are the antithesis of the overwhelming need to have even the most utilitarian tools of living to convey one’s social status via being as expensive as possible. However, as noted below, sporks ARE a multi-purpose device, a must-have in every man’s cache of tools.

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NOTICE

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A new-style spork has sprung from the loins of a male and receptive fertile female spork users (sadly, a very rare “breed” with spork fans being overwhelmingly males.) that has new traits resulting in a hybrid spork.

The offspring can be viewed over there———>  Poke Me

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Sporks and the alt.plastic.utensils.spork.spork.spork newsgroup

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Buy a “Fear the Spork” t-shirt here

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Sporks are not beloved by all. “Thou Shalt Not Spork!”

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Part spoon, part fork, the Snow Peak Colored Titanium Spork is the only eating utensil you need on the trail. Ultra-lightweight, premium-grade titanium enables the spork to weigh in at just 0.6 ounces.  Buy HERE

(Note. None of the links to spork items are included to enrichen me. They are provided to assist the curious, those seeking interesting spork items, and to inform the spork-curious reader. It is also a method to include some nifty pics in my blog entry.)

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Extra-deadly sporks. Useful for repelling invading armies or slaying dragons?

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Spork Love

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Support the SPORK!

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A spork that heals!

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All hale the happy spork!!!!

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Spork… the movie  Yay!!!

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The Spork of the Gods

Every mythic hero normally has an equally mythic weapon. Zeus had his thunderbolts. Thor had his hammer, Mjolnir. King Arthur had his Excalibur. Frodo and Bilbo had their Sting. Rhydderch Hael had his Dyrnwyn. King Kong had his bananas . . . you get the idea. It’s time for you to join the ranks of the heroes and heroines of lore as you wield your own legendary weapon in your battle against a very powerful foe: hunger.

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UPDATE

October 7, 2012

That which is spork continues its presence upon the Web.

Here is the latest addition to Sporkdom:

The spork’s weird history

I knew it was imminent but surprised it too so long before an incredibly talented person created a song of, for and about our beloved spork:

The Spork song

Verse1

What’s better than a fork? (Shout) Spork! Spork!

What can you use on a cork? (Shout) Spork! Spork!

What’s better than ham and helps eat from a can?

Chorus:  Spork, Spork, Spork!!!!

Spork is a spoon, with part of a fork.

But it’s neither a spoon, not even a fork

it’s a spork! it’s a spork! it’s a spork!

Verse2

What’s better than pork? (Shout) Spork! Spork!

What’s better than zork? (Shout) Spork! Spork!

What’s better than spam and better than jam?

Repeat chorus

Awesome!!!!  I can envision a huge throng of joyous souls shouting that tune at an event such as a NFL football game with a crowd of 80,000 joining in to shout out to the world their communal appreciation of all that is SPORK!!!

Other incredible entities have been created, influenced by the spork.

I sit here astounded by the Web page I just visited.

I am so impressed by what I just read I have decided to copy and paste the entire page here for one reason only… over the years I have seen Web pages and entire sites disappear…poof!… gone.

Because of that fear I am using this space as a back-up for the existing page that I encourage you to visit:

Spork Poetry

The following has been copied and pasted in entirety here for archival purposes to ensure that an accidental or purposeful deletion removes the original Web page from the view of the spork-admiring masses.

Begin paste of:   http://www.sonic.net/~ian/Spork/spork.poems.html

If you’re really curious about where in the world this came from, I’ve left most of the headers intact…

From: here@there.com (Me)

Newsgroups: alt.plastic.utensils.spork.spork.spork,alt.utensils.spork

Subject: Spork Poetry periodic posting

Date: Tue, 14 Nov 1995 16:00:52 -0800

Organization: Large Fuzzy Room

NNTP-Posting-Host: freud.be.com

All bow to the spork,

Lovely plastic work of art,

In rainbow colors

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I am the spork man,

Missing my odd-numbered teeth,

Left by the wayside

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Wonderful future,

Dancing, laughing, shiny sporks,

Ruling this happy world

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Here is modern man,

Pondering the age-old thought:

“Two tines? Three? Or four”

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food or philosophy,

wielding our sporks with panache

life itself is tined

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The Spork, true beauty,

the tines, the bowl, the long stem

life now is complete

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~ ODE TO A SPORK ~

O Flaming Goddess

White

Chaste

Pure

So smooth in Thy nature

Graceful

Encompassing

Spoon

‘Ere Edged, to maim

Ragged

Deadly

Fork

Bastardized abbhoration of nature!

Elegant hybrid of wonderment

Shrink-Wrapped Corpse Prone To Molestation!

Clad in a shimmering gown, ready to reveal beauty.

Spork.

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Here I sit, all broken hearted…

I’m about to eat, but I haven’t quite started.

Don’t have a spork, fork nor spoon.

Without utensils in the middle of June.

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SPORKIE (To the tune of “Brandy”)

There’s a sailor, in a coastal town

He’s unhappy and he wears a frown

He’s got a spoon and he’s got a fork

But he’d rather have his spork

Sailor says Sporkie, you’re a fine spoon

But a good fork you’ll never be

But you’re still my favorite utensil, out at sea

There’s a meal that he wants to eat

He wants to scoop some soup and jab some meat

There’s a tool that’ll set him free

And Sporkie is her name

Sailor says Sporkie, you’re a fine spoon

And a good fork you would be

If your tines were a little bit longer, and more than three

All the sailors get together to brag

About their eating utensils and their seaman’s bag

But this one sailor, ridicules their forks

And talks about his Spork

Sailor says Sporkie, you’re a fine spoon

But a good fork you’ll never be

But you’re still my favorite utensil, on the sea

Stranded on a desert isle

He’s got his spork so he still wears a smile

When the cannibals try to eat him up

He kills them with his spork

Sailor says Sporkie, you’re a fine spoon

But a bad fork you do be

And an even more lousy ladle and slicer of cheese

Out at night on a stormy day

The wind is high and there’s hell to pay

Another sailor washes overboard

But he dives in after his spork

Sailor says Sporkie, you’re a fine spoon

But a good fork you’ll never be

But you’re still my favorite utensil, under the sea

Well he’s lying in a watery grave

But his spork he did manage to save

Now he cradles her in his arms

And keeps her safe from harm

Sailor says Sporkie, you’re a fine spoon

But a good fork you’ll never be

But you’re still my favorite utensil, under the sea

In the end, when he was old and gray

Thinkin’ ’bout the ones that got away

A hundred ladies, a hundred ports

But he always had his spork

Sailor says Sporkie, you’re a fine spoon

But a good fork you’ll never be

But you’re still my favorite utensil, on the sea

_______________________________
End of paste.

I especially liked the song lyrics that concluded the above pasted page.

For those unaware of the song the above lyrics are spoken/sang to look below:

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**********UPDATE**********

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Hello!!! It is almost October, 2013 here atop the Ozark Plateau.  My supply of plastic sporks abounds thanks to the wonderful folks of Taco Bell who ensure there are several to grab every time I buy a burrito.

I am considering buying the titanium spork mentioned earlier in this post.  It will be my Christmas present to myself.  Santa never brings me anything and everybody I know is too cheap to buy me a gift but that’s okay… I am too cheap to buy those cheapskates a gift so it all turns out even.  Thus I buy my own Xmas present and I seldom disappoint myself.

Wandering the Web seeking a recipe to create my own ramen noodle flavoring I found the following:

ramen spork

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Fourteen bucks seems rather pricey to me.  I will stick with free from Taco Bell.  Well, until I splurge and get a last-forever all-metal spork but that will await until I decide to advance beyond the plastic spork stage.

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Folding Spork

Folding Titanium Spork

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fork_spoon_spork_by_samchroprotrix-d5f09c0

by ~SamChroProtrix

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Switchblade spork

The weapon of choice for juvenile delinquent chefs

“Survival in the epicurean jungle was a matter of brawn and culinary skill, in which mastery of the Switchblade Spork was king. Gangs of sous-chefs and line cooks ruled the streets and no food was safe from the steely glint of their sporks. This metal and plastic utensil snaps open with the push of a button to 11″ long and also feature a safety lock to prevent unexpected deployment.”

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The_Spork_Revolution

The Spork Revolutionby ~oiboi

Thus ends the latest update of that which is spork

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Happy Sporking!!!

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(March, 2014 Update)

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Sporks are continuing to spread across the planet. The masses of folks admiring what may be the greatest invention ever continues to grow.

I am unsure how accurate the labeling of the eating instrument pictured below is but, at the least, the positive sentiment towards the spork is evident.

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spork-chops

I suppose that when the user has each implement in one hand and uses the separate units as one unit it is akin to a spork in several ways.

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Follow the link to read answers to the question:    Are sporks a good idea?

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As Sporkdom continues its inevitable relentless expansion it was inevitable that official nomenclature is adopted for labeling the parts of a spork:

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Spork_Labeled

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Needing an official label is the hole in the handle allowing the spork to hang from a nail or other protrusion that will allow the “holding hole” to allow the stiff, hard, protruding object to penetrate the opening. Exquisite delight is likely not a requirement for either party of the mating-like ritual.

Perhaps “holding hole” would be an apt term.  What do you think? If you have an opinion that is why the comments section below the post was created.

The pic comes from a Web page titled   “HowTo: Use a spork”  Reading the text it is seen that the tines in the pic are labeled in the text as:

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The Prongs are the fork part of a spork. The prongs are used for lifting and prodding. The prongs are known to vary from spork to spork, longer and shorter prongs. Many cheaper sporks have blunt Tines making use of these sporks harder, however it is still possible to use these types of spork, you should only expect the best sporks. Practise with blunt sporks to get a handle of using these blunt sporks so should the situation arise you will be able to use one as though it were a normal spork.

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I have not found any definitive labeling of spork parts. Perhaps common usage over time will settle the question as to what are the generally accepted terms for the several parts of the spork.

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The spork is being accepted by main-stream firms as suitable for inclusion in company logos. This is a proud day for spork aficionados everywhere.

DORK TOWER is the comic strip running three times a week at DorkTower.com and WIRED.com , and monthly in Game Trade Magazine.

Spork Tower is a division of Dork Tower and here is their nifty logo:

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SporkTower

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Then there is the WordPress blog titled:   Pass The Spork

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Surely this a wonderful time to be alive!!! We have the fairly recent invention of the spork and then the Web that allows ready access to all that is spork that same Web allows spork fans to revel communally about the awesomeness of all that is spork. Five letters that when combined result in a whole so much larger than its parts.  More then the utensil itself. More than the food it carries to the eater. More than those who admire the spork and more than the cult-like following the spork has achieved.

Sprokdom is the total of its component aspects and then the inclusion of that hard-to-define spirit accompanying those several aspects. That spark that led humans out of the caves into the capsule that ferried people to the moon.

Be proud of your sporkiness my fellow sporkers.

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The Uncyclopedia providing a link aways back also has the informative history of the spork providing interesting information about various aspects of the spork:   Sporks are the bastard-child of a spoon and a fork and are useful as both.

The article suggests that the critters below are involved with sporks in some way but it will take more that that article to convince me that alien creatures or whatever they are give a damn about sporks:

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Ninjas-spork

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A Web site telling us this…  “From the not-so-space age spork (invented circa 1900!)” we are shown  Spork: The Next Generation  with the accompanying pic reproduced below.

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next gen spork.

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I have never used the strange-appearing “son of spork” I have what I believe are valid doubts if that rather strange-appearing spork can replace the general shape held by the majority of sporks alive and in use today.

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This is so incredibly awesome!!! I sit in awe and admiration of whoever created what is assuredly the most desirable gift ever created.

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Star Trek Starfleet Academy Titanium Spork

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To boldly eat . . .

You’ve made the big decision. You could work in the shipyards, you could be a lounge singer – but no, you’ve chosen to enlist in Starfleet Academy. Here’s what you have to look forward to: tons of studying, lots of friends, maybe a case of space acne, and oh so much more. You also can expect one of the most mind blowing orientation sessions ever. You’ll get your dorm and roommate assignments, your class schedule, your academic advisor, and your titanium spork. We kid you not. We’ve always told folks that the titanium spork was the utensil of the future, and now (after we yanked a bunch through a chrono-synclastic infundibulum) we have the proof to um, well, prove it. The Star Trek Starfleet Academy Titanium Sporks are the official sporks of Starfleet Academy, and they have the laser engravings to prove it!

Seriously, folks, the Star Trek Starfleet Academy Titanium Spork is just about the coolest Star Trek collectible ever, because it is fully functional. Just like the one Kirk used while a student (perhaps even while planning to cheat at the Kobayashi Maru scenario), these are laser engraved with the Starfleet emblem and other stuff which we’ll tell you about soon. And remember, we know how important it is for you to hold a replica of Spock’s Student Spork at the premier of the new movie! Live long, and prosper.

Please Note: These are not the limited edition sporks, but a brand new design for the whole Federation and beyond to enjoy (i.e. non-limited edition).

Star Trek Starfleet Academy Titanium Spork

Get this special edition spork to prove your allegiance to the Federation!

Each spork is laser engraved and comes in special collectors’ packaging.

Features Starfleet’s motto on the back: Ex Astris, Scientia

Fully licensed Star Trek collectible.

Dimensions: approx. 6.25″ long and 1.5″ at its widest point.

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For a mere pittance…  $16.09  plus tax and shipping if applicable, you, too can be the proud owner of:

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bbfa_star_trek_starfleet_academy_spork_combo

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Far better than a transporter or holodeck any star date.  Imagine the raw envy others will ooze out of every pore when they see you using the finest eating utensil in any quadrant of the galaxy.

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Theurbanspork.com appears to be a Web site on hold. Parked for whatever reason. Maybe it will be for sale soon. Or, the domain owner may put it to good use. Anything having to do with sporks is useful.

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Crazy Spork Header.

And thus we see the header for yet another blog proudly displaying the spork name as part of the title.  Who cares if the blog is not solely about the beloved implement. It is soul-stirring just to see the name of the wonderful device in general use.  Digging into the blog we see:

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Welcome to The Crazy Spork!

My name is Christy and this is my blog. I focus on recipes that are free of grains, refined sugars, and soy. When I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease I sought out ways to treat my disease with diet. I started out on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. It’s no exaggeration to say that this new approach to food saved my life. And changed my life. Now I’ve moved on from the SCD in some ways as I try to discover the way of eating that makes me feel amazing and keeps my disease under control. Join me!

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The link to the blog’s front page is located in the blurb above so go visit if you are in the mood.

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Here is something out of the ordinary:

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spork400

Accompanying the picture is some text with the pertinent part shown here:

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Before they arrived up the stairs, I showed the dragons my Spork – a mixture of spoon and fork. The woman dragon told me never to darken their doors again “with that shite” she says. The tall boy at the end of the line said the Spork already exists and that I would be hearing from a solicitor. All-in-all it was a horrific experience.

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Read the entirety at:   Eglish Entrepreneur’s Dragons’ Den Dejection

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This concludes the latest update about the growing and evolving world of all that is spork.

As the spork world continues its trek through this space-time continuum updates will appear.

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ALL HALE THE MIGHTY SPORK

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One comment on “The Spork is Your Friend

  1. TJ says:

    Haha very nice!!

    Like this

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