Our Friends, the Spork

Assuredly invented by a male since the gals are too busy yakking away endlessly on their cell phone.

Such a handy device. The seldom-thought-of spork. Not truly missed until not present to please its user. With a few sporks stashed within one’s vehicle there are few emergencies that can not be overcome.

The practical man procures extra sporks whenever possible. A handful or more dumped into the take-out-bag of whatever grub-to-go firm offers the essential device ensures an adequate spork stock at home; the garage, one’s shed or vehicle and even the office if you are a cubicle dweller.

(Grub-to-go… “Grub” as the word refers to food, not bugs or digging through trash, etc.)

Not surprisingly, few females possess sporks since sporks are utilitarian vice “pretty” and unlike expensive cutlery sporks are not visible indicators of wealth and class.

There are too many uses for sporks to mention here. The purpose of this post is to publicize a “Thanks” to sporks, their creator and to all the entities that provide sporks to the general public.

Of course, others in the Wide World of Webdom have recognized the wonders of all that is spork. Do the clicky thing below to view one of those sites:

The Spork Page

Sporks are mainly a tool for good, for the betterment of mankind, but apparently a bane to most females since sporks are the antithesis of the overwhelming need to have even the most utilitarian tools of living to convey one’s social status via being as expensive as possible. However, as noted below, sporks ARE a multi-purpose device, a must-have in every man’s cache of tools.

NOTICE

A new-style spork has sprung from the loins of a male and receptive fertile female spork users (sadly, a very rare “breed” with spork fans being overwhelmingly males.) that has new traits resulting in a hybrid spork.

The offspring can be viewed over there———> Poke Me

Sporks and the alt.plastic.utensils.spork.spork.spork newsgroup

Part spoon, part fork, the Snow Peak Colored Titanium Spork is the only eating utensil you need on the trail. Ultra-lightweight, premium-grade titanium enables the spork to weigh in at just 0.6 ounces. Damn. Link leading to purchase point has disappeared to wherever dead links go. Sniff.

(Note. None of the links to spork items are included to bring me wealth. They are provided to assist the curious, those seeking interesting spork items, and to inform the spork-curious reader. It is also a method to include some nifty pics in my blog entry.)

Extra-deadly sporks. Useful for repelling invading armies or slaying dragons?

Spork Love

A spork that heals!

Spork… the movie Yay!!!

Every mythic hero normally has an equally mythic weapon. Zeus had his thunderbolts. Thor had his hammer, Mjolnir. King Arthur had his Excalibur. Frodo and Bilbo had their Sting. Rhydderch Hael had his Dyrnwyn. King Kong had his bananas . . . you get the idea. It’s time for you to join the ranks of the heroes and heroines of lore as you wield your own legendary weapon in your battle against a very powerful foe: hunger.

*****UPDATE*****

October 7, 2012

That which is spork continues its presence upon the Web.

Here is the latest addition to Sporkdom:

The spork’s weird history

I knew it was imminent but surprised it too so long before an incredibly talented person created a song of, for and about our beloved spork:

The Spork song

Verse1

What’s better than a fork? (Shout) Spork! Spork!

What can you use on a cork? (Shout) Spork! Spork!

What’s better than ham and helps eat from a can?

Chorus: Spork, Spork, Spork!!!!

Spork is a spoon, with part of a fork.

But it’s neither a spoon, not even a fork

it’s a spork! it’s a spork! it’s a spork!

Verse2

What’s better than pork? (Shout) Spork! Spork!

What’s better than zork? (Shout) Spork! Spork!

What’s better than spam and better than jam?

Repeat chorus

———————————————————-

Awesome!!!! I can envision a huge throng of joyous souls shouting that tune at an event such as a NFL football game with a crowd of 80,000 joining in to shout out to the world their communal appreciation of all that is SPORK!!!

Other incredible entities have been created, influenced by the spork.

I sit here astounded by the Web page I just visited.

I am so impressed by what I just read I have decided to copy and paste the entire page here for one reason only… over the years I have seen Web pages and entire sites disappear…poof!… gone.

Because of that fear I am using this space as a back-up for the existing page that I encourage you to visit:

Spork Poetry

The following has been copied and pasted in entirety here for archival purposes to ensure that an accidental or purposeful deletion removes the original Web page from the view of the spork-admiring masses.

Starting paste of THIS PAGE

If you’re really curious about where in the world this came from, I’ve left most of the headers intact…

From: here@there.com (Me)

Newsgroups: alt.plastic.utensils.spork.spork.spork,alt.utensils.spork

Subject: Spork Poetry periodic posting

Date: Tue, 14 Nov 1995 16:00:52 -0800

Organization: Large Fuzzy Room

NNTP-Posting-Host: freud.be.com

All bow to the spork,

Lovely plastic work of art,

In rainbow colors

=====

I am the spork man,

Missing my odd-numbered teeth,

Left by the wayside

=====

Wonderful future,

Dancing, laughing, shiny sporks,

Ruling this happy world

=====

Follow the link above for more spork poetry, musings and wonderment!!!

**********UPDATE**********

Hello!!! It is almost October, 2013 here atop the Ozark Plateau. My supply of plastic sporks abounds thanks to the wonderful folks of Taco Bell who ensure there are several to grab every time I buy a burrito.

I am considering buying the titanium spork mentioned earlier in this post. It will be my Christmas present to myself. Santa never brings me anything and everybody I know is too cheap to buy me a gift but that’s okay… I am too cheap to buy those cheapskates a gift so it all turns out even. Thus I buy my own Xmas present and I seldom disappoint myself.

Folding Titanium Spork

by ~SamChroProtrix

The weapon of choice for juvenile delinquent chefs

“Survival in the epicurean jungle was a matter of brawn and culinary skill, in which mastery of the Switchblade Spork was king. Gangs of sous-chefs and line cooks ruled the streets and no food was safe from the steely glint of their sporks. This metal and plastic utensil snaps open with the push of a button to 11″ long and also feature a safety lock to prevent unexpected deployment.”

The Spork Revolutionby ~oiboi

Thus ends the latest update of that which is spork

Happy Sporking!!!

(March, 2014 Update)

Sporks are continuing to spread across the planet. The masses of folks admiring what may be the greatest invention ever continues to grow.

I am unsure how accurate the labeling of the eating instrument pictured below is but, at the least, the positive sentiment towards the spork is evident.

I suppose that when the user has each implement in one hand and uses the separate units as one unit it is akin to a spork in several ways.

Follow the link to read answers to the question: Are sporks a good idea?

As Sporkdom continues its inevitable relentless expansion it was inevitable that official nomenclature is adopted for labeling the parts of a spork:

Needing an official label is the hole in the handle allowing the spork to hang from a nail or other protrusion that will allow the “holding hole” to allow the stiff, hard, protruding object to penetrate the opening. Exquisite delight is likely not a requirement for either party of the mating-like ritual.

Perhaps “holding hole” would be an apt term. What do you think? If you have an opinion that is why the comments section below the post was created.

The pic comes from a Web page titled “HowTo: Use a spork” (dead link. hoping it returns) Reading the text it is seen that the tines in the pic are labeled in the text as:

The Prongs are the fork part of a spork. The prongs are used for lifting and prodding. The prongs are known to vary from spork to spork, longer and shorter prongs. Many cheaper sporks have blunt Tines making use of these sporks harder, however it is still possible to use these types of spork, you should only expect the best sporks. Practise with blunt sporks to get a handle of using these blunt sporks so should the situation arise you will be able to use one as though it were a normal spork.

I have not found any definitive labeling of spork parts. Perhaps common usage over time will settle the question as to what are the generally accepted terms for the several parts of the spork.

The spork is being accepted by main-stream firms as suitable for inclusion in company logos. This is a proud day for spork aficionados everywhere.

DORK TOWER is the comic strip running three times a week at DorkTower.com and WIRED.com , and monthly in Game Trade Magazine.

Spork Tower is a division of Dork Tower and here is their nifty logo:

Then there is the WordPress blog titled: Pass The Spork

Surely this a wonderful time to be alive!!! We have the fairly recent invention of the spork and then the Web that allows ready access to all that is spork that same Web allows spork fans to revel communally about the awesomeness of all that is spork. Five letters that when combined result in a whole so much larger than its parts. More then the utensil itself. More than the food it carries to the eater. More than those who admire the spork and more than the cult-like following the spork has achieved.

Sprokdom is the total of its component aspects and then the inclusion of that hard-to-define spirit accompanying those several aspects. That spark that led humans out of the caves into the capsule that ferried people to the moon.

Be proud of your sporkiness my fellow sporkers.

The Uncyclopedia providing a link aways back also has the informative history of the spork providing interesting information about various aspects of the spork:

Sporks are the bastard-child of a spoon and a fork and are useful as both
(dead link. hoping it returns)

The article suggests that the critters below are involved with sporks in some way but it will take more that that article to convince me that alien creatures or whatever they are give a damn about sporks:

I have never used the strange-appearing “son of spork” I have what I believe are valid doubts if that rather strange-appearing spork can replace the general shape held by the majority of sporks alive and in use today.

This is so incredibly awesome!!! I sit in awe and admiration of whoever created what is assuredly the most desirable gift ever created.

Star Trek Starfleet Academy Titanium Spork (link no longer leads to spork)

To boldly eat . . .

You’ve made the big decision. You could work in the shipyards, you could be a lounge singer – but no, you’ve chosen to enlist in Starfleet Academy. Here’s what you have to look forward to: tons of studying, lots of friends, maybe a case of space acne, and oh so much more. You also can expect one of the most mind blowing orientation sessions ever. You’ll get your dorm and roommate assignments, your class schedule, your academic advisor, and your titanium spork. We kid you not. We’ve always told folks that the titanium spork was the utensil of the future, and now (after we yanked a bunch through a chrono-synclastic infundibulum) we have the proof to um, well, prove it. The Star Trek Starfleet Academy Titanium Sporks are the official sporks of Starfleet Academy, and they have the laser engravings to prove it!

Seriously, folks, the Star Trek Starfleet Academy Titanium Spork is just about the coolest Star Trek collectible ever, because it is fully functional. Just like the one Kirk used while a student (perhaps even while planning to cheat at the Kobayashi Maru scenario), these are laser engraved with the Starfleet emblem and other stuff which we’ll tell you about soon. And remember, we know how important it is for you to hold a replica of Spock’s Student Spork at the premier of the new movie! Live long, and prosper.

Please Note: These are not the limited edition sporks, but a brand new design for the whole Federation and beyond to enjoy (i.e. non-limited edition).

Star Trek Starfleet Academy Titanium Spork

Get this special edition spork to prove your allegiance to the Federation!

Each spork is laser engraved and comes in special collectors’ packaging.

Features Starfleet’s motto on the back: Ex Astris, Scientia

Fully licensed Star Trek collectible.

Dimensions: approx. 6.25″ long and 1.5″ at its widest point.

For a mere pittance… $16.09 plus tax and shipping if applicable, you can be the proud owner of:

Far better than a transporter or holodeck any star date. Imagine the raw envy others will ooze out of every pore when they see you using the finest eating utensil in any quadrant of the galaxy.

Here is something out of the ordinary:

Accompanying the picture is some text with the pertinent part shown here:

Before they arrived up the stairs, I showed the dragons my Spork – a mixture of spoon and fork. The woman dragon told me never to darken their doors again “with that shite” she says. The tall boy at the end of the line said the Spork already exists and that I would be hearing from a solicitor. All-in-all it was a horrific experience.

Read the entirety at: Eglish Entrepreneur’s Dragons’ Den Dejection

This concludes the latest update about the growing and evolving world of all that is spork.

As the spork world continues its trek through this space-time continuum updates will appear.

ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY SPORK

Latest Update: April 28, 2014

All is well in the world of sporkdom.

The spork has reached a new level of utilitarianism as seen in this video:

Here is the Web site where you can obtain a “spork-plus”:

Eat’N Tool – Spoon, Fork, Bottle Opener, Screwdriver/Pry Tip, Metric Wrenches, Carabiner, Clam Only
(item apparently discontinued)

Our new Eat’N Tool™ is the brainchild of New York City designer Liong Mah. At first glance it looks like the familiar spoon/fork “spork” combination, but Liong has used his ingenuity and computer-aided design skills to create a lightweight, high-tech outdoor tool.

Yes, there is an ergonomic spoon, and a short-tuned fork. But in addition, there’s a handy bottle opener on one side. The right side of the handle is ground to provide an emergency screwdriver blade, which will also work as a pry for opening canisters.

The large central hole is not only designed for finger gripping, but also keeps the Eat’N Tool weight down. Three metric wrench reliefs (10 mm, 8 mm, 6 mm) are useful for emergency repairs, and result in a tool weight of just 1.5 ounces (43 g).

For easy snap-on carry on D-rings or loops on clothing and packs, there is a carry carabiner (non-weight-bearing).

For the pittance of $7.99 USA dollars you can be the proud owner and have the bragging rights that accompany owning a fine spork-plus that will surely bring a lifetime of dining delight.

Giddy with glee, I be, to return for an update. It is May 19, 2014 and we are steadily working our way to the delightful day of the turn of the century that occurs either when either the last day of 2100 or 2101 is left behind. I recall the bickering about the millennium change of 2000 or was it actually 20001 but it appears that the masses settled upon 2000 so just celebrate the upcoming event on any damn year that makes your liver quiver with delight and hand your friends a spork to celebrate the occasion.

Unless immense strides are made in extending human life I will have been long dead by 2100. Heck, I am old enough that I could collapse and die while typing this update. Maybe I should smack refresh now to save this much of the update just in case. Hold on a moment.

I’m back but I am an admitted drug addict and I need a fix but I don’t get my fix inside the hovel that is a touch above the shanty level of living. I go outside to inhale my drug fix emitted by those cheap cigar-like cigarettes that can not only gag a maggot but if the dosage is high enough will kill those maggots.

Better refresh again in case I collapse and die outside.

I survived the smoke break. Yay!!!

Okay, I returned for some reason. Oh, yeah… check this out:

That is so damn cool

And thus concludes the latest update with surely more to come as that which is spork thrives and expands throughout all of humanity.

Hope everybody is having a nifty Memorial Day this 26th of May, 2014. If you are having a picnic or eating anywhere outside the home or other indoor dining area may sporks be ample and easily available to maximize the fun and frivolity.

Heck, even if you are in an inside sit-down and shovel-it-in dining locale may sporks be near at hand.

Here’s an idea for having fun… go to a sit-down restaurant with waiters who serve you… the fancier the place the better, and bring your own spork with you to use while ignoring the standard metal eating utensils supplied by the establishment.

Sure, use the metal knife provided, if necessary, but use your spork as much as possible. A few stick-in-the-mud type will likely look askance at your fun dining event but I would expect more smiles of happiness, mirth and merriment to flow through the place.

Such is the power of the spork.

If given the chance when politicians are out campaigning; spewing meaningless froth while begging for votes, ask the candidate if they support sporks in general and if they use them whenever possible. Toss in a query regarding the desirability of requiring public schools to offer sporks alongside the standard eating utensils.

Okay, here’s the newest pics grabbed off the Web:

I consider that to be a beautiful baby. I wonder if the critter is a tax deduction?

That is awesome!!! A creative mind far superior to mine assembled what is an incredible piece of artwork. I feel the urge to toss that pic into a Google Image Search.

I return baffled and confused and rightly so. I am unable to explain to you what I just encountered. Here is a snippet of what was encountered:

The Plot of Sporks

In the beginning the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the Human.

But then, in a galaxy far, far away, the Spork was jealous and created the Squirrel and the Inkjet Printer in its own image. But the Spork saw that the Squirrel was not as good as the Human and said unto the Squirrel, “Go forth and multiply, arm yourselves with sporks, and enslave the Humans.” When the Squirrel has taken over the world, the Spork shall become Gsporkd and thousands of squirrels shall eat spaghetti with Sporks! The homeplanet of the Sporks has sent out several spork attack ships, scheduled to arrive when the main invasion begins.

Read the rest at: Grand Conspiracy (link leads to closed site. hope it returns)

A handy diagram labeled “Diagram of the Conspiracy” is shown at the linked-to page. Here it is to war you of the horrors you will encounter where sporks are used by evil doers and their nefarious schemes. Please be aware of the possibility that the site was not intended to be taken seriously. It may be a simple spoof done for fun. But… if your imagination takes over… well… be strong, Sporkers… be strong.

One of the most obvious questions to place upon the Web is “Do you like sporks?.”

Follow the link below and enjoy the many answers and included pics.

Oh my. I wonder if the physicist crowd will apply quantum dynamics to sporkdom? Anything beyond basic math such as counting the number of tines upon a spork befuddles me.

Brethren, there are those among the flock who have been led astray. Sure, almost anything can be used to perform evil acts. Even a rock laying upon the ground can be grabbed by an evil person and used to smash the windows of a car or house or in a horrible scenario be used to break a person’s nose… or worse!!! Eeeeeeek!!!!

To comprehend how far a mind can be bent, twisted and addled follow the link to read the essay about the spork. The handy device making our lives easier and much less of a threat in the hands of an evil-doer than that rock or a board or baseball bat or thermonuclear warhead.

Sporks Are The Eating Utensils of Satan!
(dead link. content removed)

For your viewing pleasure: A Little Spork Review

Until the next time we meet… HAPPY SPORKING!!!

Wait!!! Before I go… look at this:

There are more pics and information at this site:

Baladeo 52G Pocket Cutlery Set
(content removed)

There is a message board at the bottom of the page where questions are answered and general comments can be made.

UPDATE

December 30, 2015 and sporks still thrive. Here is a professional spork that can accompany you on your next trek to the Himalayas:

Ultralight and Ultra-Packable

Ultra compact and lightweight, the Vargo Titanium Folding Spork fits almost anywhere in your pack or cooking pot. Available in four colors so that you will always know where it is and which one is yours.

Features: Folds in half for easy storage. Sliding lock provides secure useage. Made of pure titanium. Biocompatible.

If I had the bucks I might grab one of these. However, stuck down here as a societal dreg eking out a meager bare existence among the lowest classes of society I am forced to stick to the handfuls of free plastic sporks at a local fast-food joint.

Here is a link to a right-on write-up about sporks at another blog:

THE “SPORK”

A spork is a hybrid form of cutlery taking the form of a spoon-like shallow scoop with three or four fork tines.

“Spork-like utensils,have been manufactured since the late 19th century; patents for spork-like designs date back to at least 1874, and the word “spork” was registered as a trademark in the US and the UK decades later. They are used by fast food restaurants, schools, prisons, the military, and backpackers.”

Follow the link above for all the groovy information awaiting your perusal.

Concluding this update a family portrait found while stumbling through the Web:

***update May 2, 2016***

Considering the recent extensive media coverage regarding gender-confused folks and which restroom they should use it is to be expected that our spork brethren would have similar predicaments.

Fun with sporks? Insanity with sporks? You tell me!!!

It appears that at least one spork died in the making of this video. Sniff.

*****UPDATE*****

Hello human herd. Twas a few nights before Christmas… December 10, 2018. Some broken links and a video were removed from above. Here is some new-found stuff.

It’s a spoon. It’s a fork. It’s a spork!

“The spork, the spork endures. The spork persists. Remember the Tater Twister? A fad. It came and went. So did the Salad Shooter. The electric knife. The electric can opener (my mama had one of those!) But the spork, the spork will never fall into oblivion. One of our country’s finest examples of ingenuity and portmanteau words, the spork is an invaluable tool to campers, survivalists, and minimalists, faithfully combining two of our most important utensils on earth: the spoon and the fork.”

There are several sporks at the link above. Here are a few pics from the site. Go to the site to read the interesting text content.

This latest update was prompted by finding nifty stuff at:

Dude I Want That

The dudes doing Dude I Want That have an enormous selection of sporks and a multitude of other items. You could spend days going through their fascinating site. Go give them a look!!!

Update ends. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Maybe Santa will bring you a fancy new spork… the best present a good little boy or girl can get!!!

*****UPDATE*****

April 12, 2020 and the Kung Flu continues its attack upon the planet. Good luck to all and condolences to those who have lost a loved one(s) to the virus or any cause.

I do not believe this product is currently available. Spork luncheon meat is likely a relic of an ancient civilization. I am wondering if the edible may have been responsible for either the creation of or the naming of our favorite eating utensil… the beloved SPORK!!!